How many times have you found yourself repeating behavioral patterns or feeling an emotional pain that seemed inexplicable? The five emotional wounds are a powerful concept to understand the marks we carry from childhood that shape our choices and relationships. Identifying them is the first step toward healing and a lighter, more authentic life.
In this article, we will explore:
What the five emotional wounds are.
How and when they arise.
Physical and behavioral characteristics related to each wound.
How to recognize them in your life.
Steps to start your healing journey.
Get ready for a deep dive into your inner universe.
In this article we will look at:
What are the Five Emotional Wounds?
The five emotional wounds are concepts popularized by Lise Bourbeau, a specialist in personal development. They represent painful experiences, usually in childhood, that leave marks on our psyche. These wounds shape how we interact with the world and protect ourselves from new pain. They are:
Rejection
Abandonment
Humiliation
Betrayal
Injustice
Each of these wounds is associated with behaviors, beliefs, emotional patterns, and even specific physical characteristics. Let’s detail each one.
The Wound of Rejection
What is it?
The wound of rejection arises when a person feels that they are not accepted as they are. This can occur in relationships with parents or other significant figures. Those who carry this wound tend to believe they are unworthy of love or belonging.
When does it arise?
This wound often arises in the early years of life, especially in situations where the child is ignored, criticized, or does not receive sufficient attention.
How does it manifest?
Tendency to isolate oneself.
Fear of expressing oneself.
Difficulty trusting others.
Physical and Behavioral Characteristics:
Body Type: Thin, as if wanting to "disappear."
Eyes: Distant gaze or avoiding eye contact.
Vocabulary: Phrases like "I’m not good enough" or "I don’t want to bother."
Personality: Introverted, shy, and with low self-esteem.
Biggest Fear: Fear of being rejected.
Diet: May tend to skip meals or eat very little.
Trigger of the Wound: Typically occurs when someone ignores or criticizes the person.
How to Heal It?
Work on self-esteem: remember that you are enough.
Practice self-compassion.
Surround yourself with people who value you.
Story of Overcoming
Maria always avoided new relationships. She feared that, by opening up, she would be rejected. It was only after a group therapy session that she realized she had carried this wound since she was 7 years old, when she felt her mother preferred her younger brother. Gradually, Maria learned to validate her feelings and trust others more.
The Wound of Abandonment
What is it?
The wound of abandonment arises when a person feels left behind or emotionally neglected.
When does it arise?
This wound typically develops in childhood when the child experiences the physical or emotional absence of one of the parents or caregivers.
How does it manifest?
Excessive need for attention.
Fear of being alone.
Emotional dependence in relationships.
Physical and Behavioral Characteristics:
Body Type: Thin, with a fragile appearance.
Eyes: Sad or pleading gaze.
Vocabulary: Phrases like "don’t leave me" or "I need you."
Personality: Dependent, needy, and struggles to be alone.
Biggest Fear: Fear of loneliness.
Diet: May eat for comfort or skip meals due to anxiety.
Trigger of the Wound: Occurs when the person feels ignored or forgotten.
How to Heal It?
Develop emotional independence.
Build healthy, non-dependent relationships.
Cultivate self-care.
Story of Overcoming
John grew up in a home where his father worked in another city. He always eagerly awaited his father’s visits, but when they didn’t happen, he felt abandoned. This pattern reflected in his adult relationships until he started therapy and learned to recognize his value independently of another person’s presence.
The Wound of Humiliation
What is it?
This wound is related to experiences of feeling diminished, ashamed, or disrespected.
When does it arise?
It usually occurs when the child is exposed to situations of humiliation, such as public reprimands, deprecating jokes, or constant comparisons.
How does it manifest?
Low self-esteem.
Fear of being judged.
Tendency to please others.
Physical and Behavioral Characteristics:
Body Type: More robust, as if seeking protection.
Eyes: A gaze of shame or seeking approval.
Vocabulary: Phrases like "I don’t want to stand out" or "I’m sorry for everything."
Personality: Submissive, dependent, and struggles to say "no."
Biggest Fear: Fear of being humiliated or criticized.
Diet: May overeat for comfort.
Trigger of the Wound: Arises in situations of judgment or comparison.
How to Heal It?
Practice assertiveness.
Remember your achievements and qualities.
Establish healthy boundaries.
Story of Overcoming
Ana always tried to please everyone, fearing criticism. In a self-esteem workshop, she realized her wound stemmed from an episode in childhood when she was humiliated by a teacher in front of the class. Today, she works as a coach, helping others free themselves from the weight of humiliation.
The Wound of Betrayal
What is it?
This wound is linked to experiences of broken trust, where expectations or promises were frustrated.
When does it arise?
It usually develops when the child feels betrayed by someone they trust, such as parents who do not keep promises.
How does it manifest?
Excessive jealousy and control.
Difficulty trusting others.
Fear of being deceived.
Physical and Behavioral Characteristics:
Body Type: Strong, with a dominant posture.
Eyes: Penetrating, distrustful gaze.
Vocabulary: Phrases like "I don’t trust anyone" or "only I do it right."
Personality: Controlling, natural leader, and competitive.
Biggest Fear: Fear of lies and disappointment.
Diet: Can be disciplined or binge eat when upset.
Trigger of the Wound: When promises or expectations are not fulfilled.
How to Heal It?
Work on forgiveness (for yourself and others).
Develop gradual trust in relationships.
Cultivate self-confidence.
Story of Overcoming
Peter always distrusted people’s intentions. During therapy, he realized his wound came from childhood when his mother promised to pick him up from school and didn’t show up. Today, he practices gradual trust in relationships and works on managing expectations.
The Wound of Injustice
What is it?
The wound of injustice is caused by situations where the person feels they were treated disproportionately or undeservingly.
When does it arise?
It often develops in very demanding families, where children feel they are never good enough.
How does it manifest?
Perfectionism.
Rigid self-demand.
Difficulty expressing emotions.
Physical and Behavioral Characteristics:
Body Type: Well-structured, rigid, and erect.
Eyes: Hard gaze, seeking approval.
Vocabulary: Phrases like "this isn’t fair" or "I must do it perfectly."
Personality: Perfectionist, responsible, and controlling.
Biggest Fear: Fear of making mistakes.
Diet: Tendency toward restrictive or rigid diets.
Trigger of the Wound: Arises in situations of criticism or devaluation.
How to Heal It?
Allow yourself to be human, with mistakes and successes.
Work on self-empathy.
Give yourself space to express feelings.
Story of Overcoming
Cláudia pressured herself excessively at work, seeking perfection in everything. After joining a support group, she realized this wound stemmed from her relationship with her father, who was extremely critical. Today, she seeks balance between effort and self-acceptance.
How to start your journey of healing emotional wounds?
Recognizing these wounds is an act of courage. Here are some practices to take the first steps:
Self-knowledge: Invest in therapy, reading, and reflection practices.
Self-compassion: Treat yourself kindly; you are a human being in evolution.
Resilience: Use each step of healing as a lesson.
Healthy relationships: Surround yourself with people who respect and value you.
Forgiveness: Learn to forgive, including yourself.
Healing is a process, not a destination. By recognizing your wounds and embracing them, you take a step toward a fuller and more balanced life.
How about starting this journey today? Share this article with someone who can benefit from this knowledge!
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